Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
