i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
