meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
third nipple confirmed
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize