I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
