I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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