I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize