they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
