Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
