she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
