I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
