I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
