on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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