Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize