It was confusing and full of hummus
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
