i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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