Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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