Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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