That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
