The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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