are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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