I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
