Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Your dad touched me again.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
