Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
