I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
