whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
