at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
