feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
