well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
