nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
