there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
