Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize