oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
