I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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