she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can't turn off my feet"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
