Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
