Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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