Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
