That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
