If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
