i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
