This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
