fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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