In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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