I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
