I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
