he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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