Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize