Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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