What a fucking waste of an outfit
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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