According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
