I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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