my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
