WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize