We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I got inside last night via doggy door
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