Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
