my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
