cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
