nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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