There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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