I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
