My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
