I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
