Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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