WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
