Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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