The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
