Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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