No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
