Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize