Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
