Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
