I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
