i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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