You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
