you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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