I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
