How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
