WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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