babies were throwing up all over the place
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Pooping to opera.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
