my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
is wine microwaveable?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
