im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
