This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just pee around me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
