she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
