Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
