Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize