Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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