I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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