It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
