Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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