Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
