Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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