Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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