Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
