She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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