tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
