i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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