I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
