just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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