Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
