Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize