you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
