having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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