Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
