its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
